Conker's Big Reunion ep 2 prologue

When we last left Conker the Squirrel, he was reading this following letter at the door of the Cock and Plucker:

Conker: (reading) "Dear Conker - We're tired of your antics. The stunts you've pulled on us are unforgivable. It was the last straw, wving our reunion without you and we are not telling you where. So Pardon our bluntness, but bug off. Signed - Your ex friends. P.S. This is not a ransom note, we are not captured. We are all fine. P.P.S. Don't come looking for us, we don't need your help." (shocked) What?! No one came for the reunion and the Cock and Plucker closed early? Uh, everyone's mad at me and I can't remember why. What did I do??? (pauses) All right, let's get going!

The screen irises out and the title showed Conker's Big Reunion... and suddenly, the word "Cancelled!" appears on the bottom right corner of the logo.

Voice: No, no, no, no! Stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it! Cancelled?! You're just gonna leave Conker like that with no new stuff? God, what a bunch of of f**king idiots!

Conker walked in front of the logo as he frowned.

Conker: Yeah, how could you guys leave me like this again? I want to see what happens next!

Voice: And that's what you and all your hardcore fans will get in this fan fiction!

Conker: (smirks) All right! That's what I'm talking about! More action at last! I'm gonna go find my friends, and-- (stops as he realizes, confused) Wha? (as he looks around) Hey, who said that?

Voice: That would be me, Conker.

Conker turned and saw a tall, thin, imposing figure appearing a few feet next to him. He is dressed in modestly simplistic mauve robes and finery. His golden head is in the shape of a Retro Television. The screen that makes up his "face" is green, and stylized to look like a game of Pong, one of the first video games ever created, with his two eyes being the paddles and his long nose being made up of the ball and screen-divider.

Conker: Whoa. Who or what are you, some kinda moving, living television king?

Figure: My title is the Lord of Games, but you can call me L.O.G. I am the grand creator of all video games!

Conker: Even ones that don't sell very well, like Ghoulies?

L.O.G.: Precisely, my alcoholic friend. And I was in Banjo-Kazooie: Nuts and Bolts.

Conker: Banjo-Kazooie? So those two guys finally got a game after all these years, huh?

L.O.G.: Indeed they have, since November 2008. But alas, despite the positive reviews it has, the game was met with criticism on the flaws it has.

Conker: What kinda flaws?

L.O.G.: The game's mechanics were awkward and the maneuverability of the vehicles in that game, along with the racing missions, were frustrating. Why, some critics and fans think that the vehicles are unsuitable for a Banjo game.

Conker: Huh, typical. Guess Rare doesn't seem as good as I thought it would be nowadays.

L.O.G.: But alas, that's not the point. The point is, your project, Conker's Big Reunion needs another episode, one that is bigger and better than the first one. And I am going to do something about it for your sake.

Conker: You'd do that for me?

L.O.G.: Indubitably, Conker. I will give you anything you want.

Conker: Anything?

L.O.G.: Anything.

Conker started thinking this over.

Conker: Hmm... what exactly would you give me?

L.O.G.: I could give you an array of weapons courtesy of Project Spark, some new abilities, and the key to ultimate riches. I could even help you with your... girlfriend problems.

Hearing this got Conker there, as he gasped in shock.

Conker: (with an eager look of hope in his eyes) You mean you could actually bring Berri back from the dead??!!

L.O.G.: But of course I can! Like I said, I could give you anything you want.

Conker: Even a chance for me to reconcile with my friends?

L.O.G.: Especially a chance for you and your friends to be together again.

Conker: (grins) Ho ho, now you're talking! Those fans are gonna wish this fan fiction could be put in a game!

L.O.G.: Indeed, they are. I will give you everything I mentioned, but on one condition: You will need to make some new friends to help you with your old ones, and you are to never mistreat them ever again. Do we have a deal?

Taking L.O.G.'s words to heart, Conker started thinking about this.

Conker: Hmm...

After a moment of thinking, Conker held out his hand as he spoke.

Conker: (smirks) Deal!

Then a green-glowing hand, which has floating zeroes and ones on it, appeared in front of L.O.G., took Conker's hand and shook it. Then, the logo disappeared and the background almost instantly turned white.

L.O.G.: Then let's get started, my friend.

Conker: All right. Where do we start?

L.O.G.: All you have to do is... open that door.

As L.O.G. said that, a door appeared in an area of the white area.

Conker: Oh boy. I've never been this excited since my last adventures.

L.O.G.: Yes, the old Twelve Tales video game that was in development but unreleased.

Conker: Yeah. Wish they made that one, too. Ah, well. Let's see what's behind this door.

Conker walked up to the door, turned the knob and opened it.

Conker: (his eyes shut tight, excitedly) Oh, man, I'm getting stoked! I don't know if I could see this yet!

L.O.G.: I believe you can if you just open your eyes, right about... now.

Conker opened his eyes, looked through the door opening and gasped in shock and amazement. What he saw was a brand new world; a lush meadow village with a bright sunshine, some mountains and hills, a big, pure and clean lake, and a majestic castle, which Conker recognized as his old castle.

Conker: Wow... this is so incredible! It looks like parts of my old world are here, but there are a lot of things I've never seen before here! What is this place?

L.O.G.: This is a world that is a combination of yours and worlds from some other Rare games and then some.

Conker: This is awesome! I think I'm gonna love it here! Can't wait to see everyone.

Voice: Conker? Is that you?

Female voice: Hey, Red Rodent!

Conker turned to the source of the two voices heading up to him. It was a brown furry bear wearing yellow shorts and a blue backpack, which contained a red bird-like creature.

Conker: (smiles) Banjo! Kazooie!

Kazooie: It's been a while, man!

Banjo: Yeah, we haven't seen you since Diddy Kong Racing, where we went against an evil, humongous wizard porker!

Kazooie: Despite that I was never in that game, of course.

Conker: How's life treatin' ya on Spiral Mountain?

Banjo: Boring since we never got a new game, even if we're in Rare Replay.

Kazooie: Yeah. We thought there's nothing to do, until there was a big flash of light, and the next thing we knew, our house and Spiral Mountain ended up as parts of this... this... paradise!

L.O.G.: This paradise, Kazooie, is made by yours truly with my powers.

Banjo: Gee whiz, L.O.G., you've really outdone yourself this time!

Kazooie: As if giving us our abilities AND the rights to building vehicles was awesome enough, along with how we now look in Super Smash Bros. Ultimate a lot better than our ugly designs from Nuts & Bolts! Now we get to live in a world with Conker, too?

L.O.G.: Yes, along with some other heroes who I see having great potential as a big team. Why, when I looked at some games that didn't sell well, I looked at them over and I thought of something incredible. For the sake of a cult following with those games, I figured, why not give them a chance to improve themselves? So I brought your game world, Conker's, and some other game worlds together and made them all as one.

Banjo: Including Ghoulies?

L.O.G.: Precisely, Banjo.

Male Voice: Well, no sign of those Ghoulies yet. Something must've happened.

Female Voice: Well, this place is different from before. At least Ghoulhaven is somewhere here, not that I mind.

L.O.G.: Ah, here are a couple more heroes now.

Banjo: Huh?

The group turned and saw two teenage humans walking up. The first one was a blond spiky-haired boy with blue eyes wearing a green shirt with a blue stripe and matching rims, blue jeans and tan sneakers. With him was a pink-haired girl with green eyes wearing a red bandanna, a goldenrod vest with black-topped pockets over a black shirt with a white stripe and chartreuse rims, magenta wristbands, grey jeans and steel-tipped periwinkle shoes.

Conker: Ah, humans. Never seen any since those cavepeople back at Conker's Bad Fur Day, or Live & Reloaded.

Boy: Wow, talking animals.

Conker: Yep. I'm Conker. The bird and bear with us are Banjo and Kazooie.

Banjo: Hi there.

Kazooie: Yo.

Conker: And you are?

Boy: I'm Cooper. And this is my girlfriend. Her name's Amber.

Amber: Hi.

Conker: Nice to meet ya. Why are you guys so interested in Ghoulhaven?

Cooper: It's a long story.

Amber: Sort of.

Suddenly, three toads appear to the group after jumping off motorcycles and landing on the ground.

Green toad: Whoo-wee! I don't know how we got here, but this place is fantastic!

Brown toad: Yeah, our home with stuff from different video games together in one world! If this were a dream, I don't EVER wanna wake up!

Blue-green toad: (notices the group) Hey, comrade croakers, check this out!

Cooper: Whoa! Talking toads!

Conker: Hey, I'm Conker.

Banjo: I'm Banjo.

Kazooie: Name's Kazooie.

Cooper: I'm Cooper.

Amber: They call me Amber.

Blue-green Toad: I'm Zitz.

Green Toad: I'm Rash.

Brown Toad: And I'm Pimple.

Zitz: And together, we are...

Zitz, Rash and Pimple: The Battletoads!

Conker: Cool, toads that fight.

Kazooie: Ugly-named toads that fight in a manner similar to those Ninja Turtles? That's... (pause) ...actually awesome!

Conker: Something tells me a good reunion is gonna happen at this time.

Banjo: You said it, Conker.

Conker: I can't put my finger on it, but I feel it.

Sexy female voice: Oh, Conker!

Conker gasped in shock on recognizing the voice. He turned and saw a tall, grey chipmunk with large breasts, blue eyes and long blonde hair in a ponytail walking up in a sexy manner. She is wearing a pink bikini-type two-piece outfit with yellow rims and a yellow 'C' on the front and a matching '69' on the back of the shirt, and pink-and-yellow sneakers.

Conker: Oh, wow, Berri! I don't believe it!

Berri: It's true, honey. I'm back and better than ever. And you got L.O.G. to thank for that.

L.O.G.: Indeed. I can never and will never allow you to be a miserable jerk for the rest of your life.

Conker: Oh, L.O.G., thank you so much!

L.O.G.: You are very welcome.

Berri: So, tell me what I missed?

Conker: Berri, I received a letter from my friends- er, EX-friends, and it said that they are having a big reunion without me, that it was no ransom letter, that they are fine, and not come looking for them cause they don't need my help, and the Cock and Plucker closed early. And for a long time before that, after I got crowned king of all the land, I miss you, babe.

Berri: Oh, Conker, I miss you, too.

Berri kisses Conker on the cheek and they embrace.

Rash: Nice, but we got some stuff to do. Some new friends to meet, friends to reconcile with, bad guys to beat up and all that stuff.

Conker: You got that right, pal. Let's go.

Kazooie: Banjo, I think I'm gonna enjoy this game even more than our past ones!

Banjo: I agree with you on that, Kazooie!

The group heads off, with Conker and Berri holding hands and leading the way.

Conker's voice: (narrating) So, here we are. My new friends, my revived girlfriend and me. On a new adventure. Finding my so-called ex-friends, reconcile with them and change my life for the better. This day might not be another bad fur day after all. Let's hope.

'Meanwhile...'

At a castle, a guard clad in white armor ran up to a giant monstrous figure sitting on the throne and knelt before it as he spoke.

Guard: My liege. I bear news.

Monster figure: Speak.

Guard: The Panther King is no more since ten years ago.

Monster figure: Hmm... finally. Now I can claim his throne.

Guard: However, though---

Monster figure: Hmm.. I will build a castle twice as big as this one...

Guard: Yes, but the thing is--

Monster figure: No, wait... why stop there? Three times as big!

Guard: My liege, if you let me expla--

Monster figure: I'll become the best and most powerful--

Guard: (irritably) THERE IS ANOTHER KING NOW!!!

This got two more white-clad guards, recognized as goblins, yelped in shock at hearing this.

Monster figure: ............what?

Guard: (nervously, as he flinched) H-H-His name is Conker the Squirrel, my liege. What's more is that this world is permanently merged with others, sire. And he has others with him.

Monster figure: (smirks evilly) A squirrel, huh? Taking what is mine? I'll squash him and his friends with my one hand... Ha..ha..ha.. Hm hm he he ha!

The figure's chuckling turned to derisive laughter as he sat on his throne, revealed to be a blue goblin with one red eye open, his other covered by a black chain from a headgear he was wearing. Then the guards that serve the goblin king joined in the evil laughter, which was heard from outside the castle.